The Paralysis Paradox

I had quite a crappy day yesterday. It was one of  those days where at the start I wanted to do loads of things, I wanted to move forward, I wanted to achieve something, and at the end of the day I'd done exactly nothing.

One of the causes was a technical issue with iTunes - I basically had to de-install and reinstall it, and my computer's super slow, so it took about three hours and truckloads of frustration.

The other thing, though, is that sometimes this project I'm on can be really exhausting. I'd call it job hunting, but that's not even really what it is at this stage. I'm not looking for a paid job - I'm looking for ways to build up enough experience to eventually get the paid job I want. You'd think that's easier, but it's really more difficult, because there are no prescribed routes to take, no five-step plan you can follow. It's a constant search, a never-ending question. If I do this, will it help me? Will this take too much effort and time for too little result? Is anything I'm doing getting me anywhere at all?

That last question is the most frustrating one. When you're applying for opportunities, or trying to gain online skills, or researching companies, you're spending a lot of time without seeing any direct result. That makes it hard to stay motivated at times, and it also makes it incredibly difficult to explain to other people what it is you're doing. I find I easily get annoyed when people ask me what I'm up to, because there is no simple answer at the moment. Yesterday I got so frustrated I ended up doing nothing at all and just feeling stupid.

It's a paradox. I chose to build my own path this year, to do something different, to stop studying and find other ways of learning. I thought that would be very exciting, and it is. But every now and then the insecurity that comes along with it is too much, even for me. It can become very paralysing instead of motivating.

I guess that's just part of the whole learning experience though - we all end up in unpredictable or insecure situations in our lives at times, and we need to deal with them as best we can. Sometimes I just really wonder why I deliberately chose to put myself in such an incredibly undesirable situation. I'm starting to see why people might think I'm mad.

Luckily, there's still a little voice in my head that says, "Prove 'em wrong". It just needs to yell a bit louder sometimes.

Cardiff II: to BBC or not to BBC

On Thursday it was finally time for the BBC Get In event, which was my excuse for coming to the UK and Cardiff, and something I was very excited about. I'd read a bit about the previous session in Salford, so I knew more or less what to expect: some info on the Journalism and Production Trainee Schemes and how to apply for them, a talk with some of the current or past trainees and an opportunity to ask questions, and then a creative exercise about generating ideas for television.

The first thing that struck me is how nice everyone at the BBC is. Everyone who spoke at the event was really friendly, encouraging and often hilarious too. It made for a really relaxed atmosphere, which made it easy to ask questions and to come up with ideas. The people there were all really fab. I thought the workshop at the end, during which we were divided into groups and asked to develop an idea for a television programme in several steps, was the best part - it was really inspiring, and a great way to get started with pitching ideas, even if you don't have any experience. I'll write a more detailed post of what we did later this week.

The greatest thing about the event for me, was that it showed me what I want to do. Up until now I was looking for work experience across different sectors - admittedly, I was shopping around - but BBC Get In made me realise what I really want.

I think a good TV programme needs to tell a great story in an entertaining way, engage with its audience, and be relevant to the social, cultural and political environment in which it functions. Developing a programme like that is challenging and requires great team effort, a lot of motivation and loads of creativity. That just sounds like the perfect job description to me. Coming up with an idea on your own is great, but being able to share it with others, to continually develop it and make it better, and to share the result of your efforts with an audience is a completely different thing, and probably infinitely more rewarding. And that's what I want.

I guess that kind of changes the point of this blog, and the point of the rest of my year, really. It means I'm no longer searching for what I want, but instead I'll be searching for how to get there. I can't wait to get started. Bring it on.


PS. Many thanks to everyone at the event for being so inspirational and generally brilliant!

Cardiff I: When in doubt, give people food.

I gave up on blogging from my phone after two days because it takes ages and is highly annoying, so be ready for a series of retrospect posts here!

On Wednesday, I travelled to Cardiff by train, but first I went to have breakfast with a lovely Australian girl called Rose. It was nice getting to know someone after two days of wandering around alone - not that I mind travelling on my own, but it was good for a change.

In Cardiff I met an American girl called Bianca, who just flew in from New York and was about to start studying in Swansea for a semester. Amazingly, it was her first time out of the States, and the first time she'd been on a plane. I can't imagine going to live so far from home if you've never been outside of your own country - even if that country is the United States of America. I have to admire her for not being afraid. We explored the town together for a bit. It was a day full of new people and places - I like those days. 

The best thing about Cardiff was easily the Riverhouse Backpackers hostel, though. I've never seen anything quite like it or met such nice people as the owners. I'm not even going to start praising it here - if you ever go to Cardiff, just go there. It's brilliant. I'll just give you this quote from the owner Charlie, which I think I will adopt as my life's motto: "When in doubt, give people food!"

Good times in Cardiff. I'll need to go back there sometime to see some more of the place.

In the meantime: here's that video from Hampstead Heath I couldn't upload last week. Sorry for the awful quality, but I'm sure you get the idea.

London II

At the hostel today, I met a guy who got a job interview call at 8 in the morning. He was summing up where he'd lived to the interviewer - if I recall correctly it was Singapore, Italy, India, Finland and now London. When I asked him how the interview went, he said it didn't really matter because he was probably going to Denmark anyway, where some friends had offered him a job. "Everywhere is the same, so it doesn't really matter where I live," he said. "The buildings are different, the streets are different, the climate is different, but people's mentality is the same everywhere."

I didn't know what to say to that. I thought I was an experienced traveller, but I felt a little lost at those words. I'm still not sure whether I agree.

I went for a beautiful walk this morning. Hampstead Heath is one of, if not the most amazing park in London, but it's a bit out of the way for most tourists - it's not on the standard maps, I had to get an A- Z guide to actually find it on a map. But that also means it's relatively quiet. Most of all, it has the greatest view over London you could possibly imagine. I couldn't get the video I made to upload from my phone, but here are some photos to give you an idea.

View from Parliament Hill towards Highgate. The view toward Central London was a bit too foggy for a good picture. 

London I

It'll be fine, she said. Surely I can sleep on the bus, she said.

Yeah right. Kind of forgot border control, getting on and off a ship, and the fact that you just generally don't sleep on busses. If you want to get to London in one piece, don't go by bus. Not if you're going from Brussels anyway.

The upside is that I could compensate for the unpleasant night with breakfast at the V&A. I think I'd be willing to spend another night on a bus for this.

Express yourself!

Thanks to a friend, I came across this little gem today:

I think that makes for a brilliant little lesson there. I've been experiencing some trouble with self expression lately, be it on a very different subject: job applications. There are loads of great tips for cv and cover letter writing to be found online (check out The Guardian Careers, GoThinkBig, and BBC Careers), but in the end a lot of them come down to: be honest, express that you are passionate and motivated, and it'll be fine. 

Now that's exactly what's so difficult when applying, I can tell you. When I'm writing about any subject that interests me, I think I'm reasonably good at bringing my point across in a way that captivates people. However, when writing for a job application, with specific questions to answer, a way-too-low word limit, and my English that needs to be perfect, it's just not that easy. There are so many things you need to take into account and so many doubts keep popping up in your head, because there's quite a lot at stake. It's easy to let all that paralyse you. 

So I'll try a new strategy today: write as if I'm defending a super important point I've been trying to make for ages, and ignore word limit and style. Then edit afterwards. And worry less, most of all. In the end you can only do your best! (All sing with me: And the moooost you can eeeever doooo, is the beeest you caaaaan. Oohooh.) We'll see how it goes!

PS. If you need a bit of instant happiness: listen to the song I nicked the title from for this post! Doot-doot-do-do-doot!

After the rain

Eh. Did I say last time that I was gonna post more regularly? No? Good. Because I didn't. Yeah. Sorry.
I really need to set deadlines for myself, or start making lists, or something! I'll make that my late new year's resolution.

In my defense, it's been a really busy week. I took on a five-day temp job to earn some money. I will spare you the details (it involved a scanner and loads of invoices. Yeah.), but when I spend the whole day behind a computer, I just don't feel like turning mine on when I come home to write a blog post. (Also, with a job like that, there's really nowhere to get inspiration from, so maybe we should all be happy about that.)

Then in the weekend I went out, and my bag got stolen, yay. Then I went to the police station, they retrieved my wallet with most of my stuff but no debit/credit cards or keys, really yay. Then I had to go to the dentist. Very un-yay.

BUT there's good news too: I'm going to the UK on Monday! Yay yay yay! I managed to get myself a ticket to the BBC GetIn event in Cardiff, which is basically a big info session about the BBC Trainee Schemes and the Talent Pool. I'm very excited about that indeed! And since it seemed a bit stupid to travel all the way there (by BUS, because the Eurostar is damn expensive) to stay only one day, I'm spending the rest of the week in London. YAAAAAY! Compensates for the crappy weekend!

I'll try to do blog updates from London/Cardiff, but it's gonna be from my phone, so apologies in advance for crappy layouts and all that. If you want to follow my travelling adventures, in this case Instagram might be the best place. Find me here:  (or by the name of Mayasounds, of course).

In the meantime: still trying to finish my Work Experience application for the BBC too. It's so hard. Ugh.